It's not often we feature poetry at the Daily Brass, but we still don't have anything else to post, so here's one by Christamar Varicella.
A Curious Incident at the Monkey House
by
Christamar Varicella
Not long ago in a town
close to you,
A boy and his mother
went to the zoo.
The child he was keen on
riling the beasts
by pelting their heads
with rock candy treats.
But the animals ignored
his missiles and tauntings.
They left the poor boy
feeling empty and wanting.
The zebras were boring,
the tigers were yawning.
The birds in their cages
sang none of their songings.
The hippos were lazy,
the elephants stunk,
and nobody wanted to go
near the skunks,
but then they arrived at
the cage with the monkeys,
and that’s when they saw
something shockingly funky.
“What are they doing?”
asked the little boy, Chip
as he slipped another
candy under his lip.
He looked at his mother
with an expression perplexed.
“My dear, they are
engaging in monkey sex.”
Mrs. Gargleson wasn’t
the type to mince words.
She was happy to explain
about the bees and the birds.
Sex was quite natural
from her perspective,
though she’d prefer if
the monkeys would wear contraceptives.
Perhaps little Chip
would grow up to be smart,
and he’d use all his
brains and he’d use all his heart
to find a solution to
the delicate conundrum
of teaching a primate to
put on a condom.
Chipper could work out a
specialized diagram,
a practical plan
for a lady-ape diaphragm,
but then again monkeys
are monkeys, it’s true.
And it’s not like they
have something better to do.
You may still believe
that they shouldn’t have sex,
but it’s better than
smoking cigarettes.
And anything is better
than flinging their poo.
That’s the last thing
you need when you go to the zoo.
