Relevant
Experience, Education, and Momentous Life Changes:
October
2014 – Present
Diverted attention from life of quiet
desperation by using the animation software wife gifted for 40th
birthday. Began posting short, funny,
poorly animated cartoons on a semi-weekly basis.
September
2014
Conceived third child
July
– August 2014
Penned humor novella Dinosaur Ghost in 15 days. Self-published as an eBook in September. (view
trailer) Grew first beard.
2012
– 2014
Creator/Editor of The
Daily Brass. Online blog type
thing devoted to long form comedy, including open letters to celebrity authors,
fake book reviews, and parodies.
2011
Conceived second child.
2009
– Present
Middle School Teacher. Love working with kids, but needless paper work,
politics, and bureaucracy lead to that quiet desperation thing mentioned
earlier.
June
2012
Completed thriller novel The Reverend. After three years of revising and working
with an agent, the novel is rejected by five different publishers for five
different reasons. Dropped by agent and
encouraged to self-publish. Realized I
don’t even like thriller novels.
April
2012
Self-published Too
Weird, a collection of funny short stories previously published in
literary journals.
Summer
2012
Self-published several children’s books,
including The
Blue Whale in the Bathtub, illustrated by my sister. check out her artwork
2007
– 2012
Self-published short stories in small literary
journals.
2007
– 2009
Got a job as an assistant teacher at a
middle school after restaurant job ends due to recession.
1999
– 2007
Piddled around restaurant industry in
while striving to become great American novelist. Moved from Tuscaloosa, AL to New Orleans to Atlanta
area.
2005
Conceived first child.
2002
– 2004
Earned MFA in Creative Writing from
Spalding University’s low residency program.
2002
Got married.
1996
– 1999
Struggle by with various jobs including
delivery driver and midnight convenience store clerk.
1996
– 2002
Continued to spread gospel. Eventually discovered religion I founded existed for thousands
of years prior to my founding it and that I am in no way affiliated with it.
1996
Underwent profound religious experience
while under the influence of powerful psychedelic. Went on to found new religion.
1992
– 1996
Earned BA in Political Science and
History from University of Alabama. 2.3
gpa.
1992
Graduated High School. 2.3 gpa.
1974
– 1992
Grew up to a certain extent.
1973
Developed into a viable fetus.
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